What did you say?
Have you ever had to repeat yourself multiple times because the person you're speaking to didn't seem to hear you the first time? It's a frustrating experience that can leave you feeling ignored or unheard. We will explore some of the reasons why people may not hear us the first time, and what we can do to improve communication.
1. Distractions
One of the most common reasons why people don't hear us the first time is because they are distracted. This could be due to external factors, such as noise in the environment, or internal factors, such as their own thoughts or emotions. When someone is distracted, they may not be fully present in the conversation and may miss important details. Sometimes our mind is simply somewhere else. An example of this is when you are engrossed in Ted Lasso and your partner asks what you want for dinner I’m sorry honey I didn’t hear you because my attention was on Roy.
2. Misunderstandings
Another reason why people may not hear us the first time is because of misunderstandings. This could be due to differences in language, cultural background, or communication style. It's important to be aware of these differences and to take steps to clarify any misunderstandings that may arise. This is where active listening can be key. Try utilizing the phrasing “what I’m hearing you say is . . .”
3. Lack of Attention
Sometimes people may not hear us the first time because they are simply not paying attention. This could be because they are multitasking, or because they are preoccupied with their own thoughts or concerns. In these cases, it's important to try to capture their attention before speaking, and to communicate in a way that is clear and concise. An example is when you may be meal planning and giving that your attention and not here your partner or child’s request because your attention is elsewhere.
4. Communication Barriers
Communication barriers can also prevent people from hearing us the first time. These barriers could include physical barriers, such as distance or noise, or cognitive barriers, such as language or hearing impairments. In these cases, it may be necessary to find alternative ways of communicating, such as using visual aids or assistive technology. I, for one, am guilty of talking while moving about the house - which leads to actual physical barriers that society calls walls and doors.
So, what can we do to improve communication and ensure that people hear us the first time?
1. Speak clearly and concisely
When communicating, it's important to speak clearly and concisely. Avoid using complex language or jargon that may be difficult for others to understand. Instead, use simple and direct language that is easy to follow.
2. Get their attention
Before speaking, try to capture the person's attention. This could be as simple as saying their name or making eye contact. By doing this, you can help to ensure that they are fully present in the conversation. For kids, it can be helpful to get on eye level with them and ensure that you have their attention before making a request.
3. Repeat or rephrase
If someone doesn't hear you the first time, it's important to be patient and willing to repeat or rephrase what you said. This can help to clarify any misunderstandings and ensure that your message is understood.
4. Listen actively
Finally, it's important to be an active listener. This means paying attention to the person you're speaking to and being open to their perspective. By doing this, you can help to build trust and rapport, and ensure that communication is a two-way process.
So why don’t our kids hear us the first time? Why doesn’t our partner hear us the first time? There are many reasons why people may not hear us the first time, but by being aware of these reasons and taking steps to improve communication, we can build stronger relationships and ensure that our message is heard and understood.
