Brain Talk
Previously, I discussed the concept of restraint collapse. This concept is very tied to our brain development.
I’m sure many of us have heard about critical periods of brain development and how exposing our children to foreign languages before age 5 is key because that’s when the brain does best with learning. Is that entirely true? No. Anyone can learn a new language, but it sure is easier when your brain is rapidly soaking up the information in the world. While our brain goes through pruning, in which we lose connections we don’t use, that doesn’t mean we can’t learn or improve.
But let’s talk brain development and emotional regulation. I personally am a fan of Dan Siegel’s Brain in the Palm of your Hand Model. (go ahead and click. . .enrich that brain of yours). Essentially our brain develops from the back toward the front. This means that our prefrontal cortex, the thinking, planning part of our brain, is the last to develop. Research says that this part of our brain doesn’t fully develop until age 25 or 26 (depending on who you ask). I’ll go with 26. To me that means those dumb things you did as a kid - stealing eyeshadow, experimenting with substances, speeding, etc., are in a sense, completely explainable and you should forgive yourself for these things as it speaks more about brain development than you as a person. Again, progress not perfection.
One of my previous supervisors gave me a great visual of brain development linked to impulsivity and control. Anyone else have a toddler or young child at home? I know it’s not just me. If you hand a child a squeeze bottle of ketchup and tell them to use “just a little bit” they then pretty much empty the bottle. . . and you are trying to not say “dude I told you just a little.” #parentingstruggles. Small children just haven’t developed the motor skills to learn to gently squeeze nor can they necessarily control their impulse to squeeze and enjoy the outcome. This is because their motor cortex is still developing (the ability to squeeze gently) as if their prefrontal cortex (judging how hard to squeeze to get what they need). As kids grow they master this skill - dispensing the right amount of ketchup. Another great example of the brain developing from the back to the front.
Back to the Hand Model and what this means for emotional regulation. With an underdeveloped or impacted prefrontal cortex, it is much easier to “flip your lid” and display high emotionality (thank you amygdala for that). As adults we are better able to (for the most part) cope with struggles and stressors and utilize coping skills to avoid high emotionality. Kids, well they aren’t there yet, and that’s why we see whining, tantrums, etc. This is why we need to expect restraint collapse with our kids. Do we as adults display restraint collapse as well? Yes. Yet we are better equipped by brain development to reduce it. A huge impact on the likelihood of flipping our lid is trauma. Trauma contributes to a flipped lid happening more easily as we are walking around already triggered in some way. For example, if you had a car accident that resulted in injury, you are probably more likely to flip your lid when a driver cuts you off (cue the middle finger) than someone who has not had this accident. This also explains why young adults tend to show a lot of road rage - their brain has not developed to the point to say “hey man, might not be a great idea to flip off the guy who cut you off because he might also be having a bad day.” That doesn’t mean that there aren’t 60 year olds on the road with road rage. It doesn’t mean that because you have a fully developed prefrontal cortex you don’t make mistakes (progress not perfection) or never experience restraint collapse. Simply, the less developed your prefrontal cortex, the more susceptible you are to high emotionality and restraint collapse.
Next, I’ll talk more about the impact of trauma and how we do in fact have nonverbal memories of trauma.
